The history of fruit

I acquired today the following interesting fruit-related knowledge:

Strawberries were first used to block the straws of giants, thus inhibiting milk drinking and retarding bone development. The Brazilian giant, Ronaldo McDonaldo, got wise and blew the strawberry back into his milk, creating a refreshing complement to a tasty burger and fries. The jolly green giant of Switzerland revolted and used his straw as a sweetpea shooter, and attacked the peasants as they worked in the cornfields, inventing sweetcorn.

Blackberries used to be called whiteberries, until the name was changed in the early 60s when Cilla White was inducted into the Black Panthers by Malcolm X.

Gooseberries come from goosebumps. The goosebumper (or scaremongerer, as they are sometimes known) frightens the goose, bashes it and extracts the berries from the bumps.

Raspberries were discovered by tree-culling presenter Phillippa Forester when she had bodily function disorder while on location for Tomorrow's World.

Tayberries, although not commonly heard of, are of alien origin. Tayberry is an anagram of Terry Bay, which is in the Orion nebula, not to be trusted.