My family history

I saw a programme on that telly thing what my humans look at a lot about this chap Ferdinand Magellan, and how he travelled right round the world to find the Spice Islands and make his fortune. He's some sort of hero because of this, but it's nothing! A distant relative of mine, name of Mageelan, did it ages before him. He swam right round the world, got to these Spice Islands but he wasn't having any of it because he realised when he got there that fish don't need cloves - they just get wet in the water and weigh us down, and cover up our lovely streamlined scales.

Girl Switch Your Records Off.

I've recently had a comment wondering what I thought of Chlorine Bailey Ray's new album. Well Chlorine Bailey Sting Ray is her real name. Even with her fizzy pop personality and her fight against fungal foot infections, I don't particularly like her. I find her music excruciatingly bland and safe pop pap. Chlorine is good for humans but not for fishkind.

Steve the Fish

Tonight, Pinky, we're going to take over the world...

I haven't been blogging for a while because I had aquatic flu, and then I've been exceedingly busy working on my plans for expansion of my liebensraum. It's going well, I've got my plans ready and my orders are in place, waiting to be executed. In the meantime, here are some jokes:

Where do pigs go to magically cure trotter boils?
Hogwarts!

Why did the bee crash into a tree?
He was miss-beehive-ing!

How do bodybuilders get to heaven?
Through the burly gates!

What's the best way to separate a congregation?
Into hymns and hearse!

Who hammers octogenarians over an anvil?
A grannysmith!

Why were the undertakers of Whooping best at their job?
Because of their coffin fit!

What did Bob Geldof do to help save the citrus fruit?
He organised limeade!

What do magnetic secretaries do?
Iron filing!

Snigger.

I've got a new hobby

I was at a bit of a loose end recently, so I thought I'd take up a new hobby. I decided that since I have a creative flair I'd try acting. I found out where my local group meets and went along to the church hall on Friday night.

Well, it wasn't quite what I'd expected. Apart from the fact that I couldn't say 'Mackerelbeth' and people encouraged me to dislocate a fin, we stood around in a circle, and after we'd done the warm-up exercises, people were just saying things like "I ain't bovvered" and stuff.

I was quite surprised that we didn't get more acting done, but when I left I realised that I'd been to a meeting of the Immature Dramatics Society.

My little monkey

Well my humans left me all alone for a 'Halloween/Birthday' party so I had to make my own friend. He is a monkey called Brian and now my humans have returned he is up for sale on Ebay.

If you want to own a monkey just like him then click here.